Is Mothers Day just another hallmark holiday encouraging us to buy more shit that nobody ever wanted to prove you ‘love’ someone on a specific day that is unanimously agreed upon by the general public. How did we get to this?

I have this internal fight each time one of these kinda ‘days’ rolls into town. On one hand I can see right through the bullshit advertising, the pushing of products, the sale of dumb things that mums would love to receive – vacuum cleaners and slippers. Fuck off already. But then I also want you to buy Make Town stuff for your mum. You gotta be in to win, right? Gross.

And then, on the other hand,  I wanna be showered with pancakes and chocolates and flowers as much as the next bitch.

But mostly, lemme go out on a limb here, I reckon most mothers just want to have a sleep in, have a shower without company, get dressed into their favourite fancy ‘going out’ clothes and go have a nice glass of wine somewhere. As far away from their kids as possible.

Can I get a hallelujah?

I have been blessed with a pretty understanding (perhaps fearful) family that gives me a free pass each year. The kids are so big now, they literally tell me I smell like farts and to go fuck a duck. Which to be fair, is exactly how I want them to be. Not obliging or participating in bullshit spending games by pulling on their guilty heartstrings for my unconditional love.

So whenever these kind of ‘days’ pop up, I just buy myself a big box of Ferrero Rochers and call it a day. If you lower your expectations to the bottom of the barrel then everything is a bonus right? I don’t want my kids to buy shit cause Hallmark told them to, even if I do need a new oven glove or feather duster.

Anyway, no matter how ‘Mothers Day’ plays out for you or your mum, please remember this.

‘Love is a word that has been hijacked by greeting card companies, cult leaders, sentimentalists, pop singers, false prophets, pedophiles, romcoms, McDonald’s and a million other unsavoury types, who transform the most incredible thing that humans can experience into an inflatable, gaudy imitation of itself that they use for their selfish desires and nefarious marketing campaigns.

These bastards have made the most intense experience accessible to humans almost impossible to talk about without feeling embarrassed’

Thanks Duncan Trussell x Just what we all needed to hear, now go forth and do whatever the fuck you want with real love in your heart.

Arohanui x Tumeke x Peace out x